Steph Sellen's Birth Evolution: Lessons in Advocacy and Strength

When Steph Sellen, a mother of six with her seventh bundle of joy on the way, sat down with me, she didn't hold back. Her first childbirth, marred by a traumatic induction, was a stark contrast to the empowered births that followed. As a real estate dynamo and podcast host, Steph's life is as multifaceted as it gets. Our conversation ventured through the landscape of her birthing experiences, from the cold sterility of her initial hospital labor to the warmth and personalized care provided by midwives in later deliveries. She candidly details how each birth, with its own unique challenges and triumphs, became a lesson in self-advocacy, highlighting the profound difference knowledge and support can make.

Amid the laughter and poignant moments of our chat, Steph peeled back the curtain on managing a bustling household while navigating a demanding career. The balancing act of family life, professional obligations, and personal growth was a frequent touchpoint, with Steph sharing both the humorous realities of parenting a large clan and the emotional weight of pregnancy after loss. Her tales ranged from scheduling mishaps to moments of deep introspection about the legacy of her own mother and grandmother, painting a vivid picture of modern motherhood.

Listeners are sure to find resonance in Steph's reflections on preparing for childbirth, dealing with pregnancy anxiety, and embracing unexpected blessings. Her insights on striving for normalcy in the whirlwind of life with six kids and a seventh on the way—while closing deals and preparing freezer meals—offer a dose of reality laced with an infectious can-do spirit. Join us as we navigate the beautiful chaos of Steph's world, where every day is a juggle, every birth story is a source of strength, and every moment is a chance to laugh, learn, and love a little more.

Connect with Steph on instagram @stephsellenhomes

Listen to her podcast: Real Life - Real Estate - Real Deal
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/real-life-real-estate-real-deal/id1723780538

Want me as your birth coach? You got it!

I will help you:

☑️identify the source of anxiety you have surrounding birth. 

☑️fill in knowledge gaps to make sure that you are fully informed and confident. 

☑️learn key phrases so you can better communicate with your medical team. 

☑️emotionally process your fears so that they don’t hold power over you

Go to kellyhof.com to book a free 30 minute birth vision call.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:28

Hello, today I have with me Steph Sellin. Steph is the mother of six, soon to be seven. She's a real estate agent and the host of the Real Live, real Estate, real Deal podcast, and she is here to tell her birth stories and the lessons she has learned with each birth that have helped her master the birthing process. Steph, welcome and thank you so much for joining me. Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here. I can't wait to hear what you have to say and all the things that you've been through and learned from all that fun stuff.

Speaker 2: 1:03

Yeah, I'm kind of how much time do we have?

Speaker 1: 1:06

I booked two hours, oh God.

Speaker 2: 1:09

No, I'm just kidding. But yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited to share it all. I gotta be honest, once I knew I was doing this, I had to like go through like my Facebook posts and the kids, the books. I didn't really film out a whole lot, but just to remind myself, because I've been given birth for almost 20 years now, I couldn't remember a lot of the stuff, so I've been kind of studying for that. I love that. I love that you've been studying.

Speaker 2: 1:30

Yeah, I had to remind myself of everything that happened because they kind of blurred together.

Speaker 1: 1:33

So amazing, well, so okay, you said 20 years, wow, so you have, your oldest is 20.

Speaker 2: 1:40

Well, she's eight. I said about 20 years, but she's 18. She just turned 18.

Speaker 1: 1:43

Yeah, and how old were you when you got pregnant with her 20. What was the story there? Okay, cool.

Speaker 2: 1:48

Yeah, I was 20. I was really young. We were actually planning on getting married and then I got pregnant, so we moved the wedding back.

Speaker 1: 1:55

And.

Speaker 2: 1:55

I ended up having her a month after I turned 21.

Speaker 1: 1:59

So I didn't even get to have a 21st birthday.

Speaker 2: 2:02

I was pregnant, but that's been my life for 18 years.

Speaker 1: 2:05

Most traumatic, awful birth, because back then you didn't really have Facebook and message groups and people to learn from.

Speaker 2: 2:18

You were pretty much on your own and I didn't even know what a midwife or a doula was. Back then, when I got pregnant, I just asked my mom and her friends who they used and they recommended this OB and his office was dark and dingy. It was scary. It was scary, he was scary and with that pregnancy I don't remember a whole lot, but I remember at the end I had terrible swelling, like awful swelling, like you could grab my leg and your handprints would be there forever. And I questioned it and he, he kept saying I was fine, it was normal, and I went overdue about 41 weeks with her and he finally decided to induce me because I just developed preeclampsia. I think I had preeclampsia well before he diagnosed me, but I didn't know anything about preeclampsia. I had no idea because I was 20 and young and dumb and never went through that before. So he ended up inducing me and I felt awful because I had to go to the hospital like 10 o'clock that night and I didn't know what was going on.

Speaker 2: 3:12

I knew I was being induced. So, like my mom, my grandma, my whole family went with me to the hospital at 10 o'clock that night and they're like no, no, it's going to be a while. So everyone else at home but my husband and that morning I remember they, they started like the server deal or whatever that night and then they, they started the Pitocin at like, started the Pitocin at like I don't know, sometime in the morning and everyone was calling and checking to see where I was progressing and I wasn't. I was still like zero centimeters. Nothing was happening. So then they kept upping the Pitocin and I remember between like 10, 30, 11, somewhere around there, my husband went out to call everybody to tell them you know, it's going to be a while.

Speaker 2: 3:46

I think they checked me around then I may have been two, three centimeters dilated and so he had left to call everybody and the nurse had came in a minute before at my mitosis and it was like a half hour. I was kind of by myself and that was the most excruciating pain I've ever been through. I couldn't even get the bell to call the nurse, couldn't move. I remember laying in bed, staring at the floor, but I don't know if I passed out because the pain was so much or what, but I felt like I was like out of my body because the pain was awful and Dustin finally came in like 20 minutes later and he knew something was wrong and I said I need help. So he went and got the nurse and she took forever to come in and I ended up she was crowning. So within like 45 minutes I went from two centimeters to 10 and she was crowning.

Speaker 1: 4:26

That sounds intense.

Speaker 2: 4:27

It was very I thought I was going to die Like it was awful. And so when the nurse came in, I can. I can remember her to this day. She was a little old lady, her name was Kitty and I remember her calling somebody and saying I need help. In here I have a young mom who's never had birthing classes, she doesn't know what she's doing and she's ready to push Like, oh my God, I'm going to die. This is awful. My nurse is freaking out. I'm freaking out. My husband was freaking out because he didn't know it was wrong. He knew I was like in a lot of pain and I ended up like three pushes later.

Speaker 2: 4:55

She was here at 11 33 but he went out to call everybody like around 11 and I was by myself and I don't know that last upage of Pitocin just sent it and I went from three centimeters to 10 in like 20 minutes and had her. It was awful, it was so scary.

Speaker 1: 5:10

It was the worst.

Speaker 2: 5:12

So, yeah, that that was hers. So after hers I refused to get induced. It took me a very long time to be able to be okay with being induced, because that was the most traumatic and scary thing I've ever been through and it was so painful, it was awful.

Speaker 1: 5:29

Well, you were by yourself and you'd never yeah completely by myself.

Speaker 2: 5:33

Nobody checked on me. Dustin went out to call people like oh my God, it was. I thought I was going to die.

Speaker 1: 5:38

Yeah. Awful, I mean I would imagine that if you've never had any preparation and nobody's told you what to expect, and yeah, yeah. You're going to think you're going to get that.

Speaker 2: 5:47

Nobody thought I was going to go because I mean they just checked me.

Speaker 1: 5:50

but yeah, it was it was scary, I bet, did you tear it all?

Speaker 2: 5:55

yeah, yeah, I think I had second degree tears and then they had that one, yeah yeah, did they numb you up for that, god? I don't remember, you know, I don't remember that that was 18 years ago.

Speaker 1: 6:06

I would imagine that, if you didn't remember, you probably yeah, numbed up right yeah, I would imagine, let's say yes yeah, yeah, so that was. That was my first birth experience so you didn't give up after that. I remember no.

Speaker 2: 6:20

I should have. Firstly, you should have. No, I did not. Actually, I always wanted two girls. I don't know. My mom had two girls. I kind of wanted two. I just wanted two. But here we are with my seven.

Speaker 1: 6:29

Yeah, I was gonna say, but here we are with almost seven.

Speaker 2: 6:32

Yeah, I was going to say but here we are with almost seven, I give up at two, yeah. So then my second. I went into labor, naturally with him, thank goodness. I remember being at a different hospital. We were visiting my husband's grandpa and it was like eight o'clock at night where we had to leave because it was late and I remember feeling a contraction. So we went home, got my one daughter, took her to my mom's house, then went to the hospital and it was very. It didn't go near as fast as that one because I didn't have Pitocin, because it was very natural, but no, no epidural, no nothing. And I think I had him. I know I had him at 2.44 in the morning, but I felt my first contraction at 8 pm. So once I'm in labor I go pretty quickly and everyone says that's great but that's a lot of pain. In a short amount of time it's just a lot.

Speaker 1: 7:18

It's very intense. Between the two births, did you switch OBs? I did.

Speaker 2: 7:25

Yes, After that experience I did more research and stuff and I went to midwives.

Speaker 1: 7:32

Yeah, they were fantastic. What was that like? Did they prep you any better?

Speaker 2: 7:36

Yes, Amazing. They were a thousand times better, Always answered my questions, asked me questions, got to know me and even my daughter. They were great. So after that I was like I will never have another baby with an OB. It will always be midwives as long as I can it will always be midwives when I was giving birth.

Speaker 2: 7:53

That time I remember the midwife and every time I pushed she'd go excellent, excellent, and I just remember seeing stars. I'm like, oh, this is fantastic. She's like encouraging me and being sweet and kind where that other nurse was like she doesn't know what she's doing, thanks. Yeah, way to set someone up for failure. Yeah, it was awful. So, yeah, I love my midwives. I love midwives.

Speaker 2: 8:20

That's, my that's my go-to now so is a midwife in a hospital? Yeah, or were you at a birthing center? At a hospital they work with an OB, but yeah, yeah, yeah, not every place has that option.

Speaker 1: 8:27

I work at one hospital that has that and one that doesn't. Oh yeah, I just I love that setup because you can do everything in one place.

Speaker 2: 8:32

Yep, usually there's two or three midwives at all times there and you see all three of them. One kind of takes over, I feel like, for the most part, but the other two will come in and see you and touch base and I loved all my midwives. It's amazing.

Speaker 1: 8:45

Yeah, so first birth was kind of quick but terrible. Yeah, second birth was kind of quick but only terrible towards the end, when you're ready to push. But you were more prepared for it.

Speaker 2: 8:58

Yeah, yep, and I knew how to push, I knew what I was doing. Yeah, the second birth, I mean other than the pain, because it was natural, it was great, everything went as planned. So my first three, they were all just about two years apart. My first daughter was born February 10th. My son was born February 7th, two years later, and then my daughter was born January 7th, two years later. So it was almost all two years. It was really weird, but with her I don't remember why they were going to induce me, but they wanted to induce me and I think it might've been.

Speaker 2: 9:28

My blood pressure was climbing and they wanted me to go right then to the hospital be induced. I said I can't, like I was. I was freaking because I didn't want to be induced with Pitocin. I was terrified and I said I can't. I got kids at home, I got to do stuff. Can I come back later? And they're like well, we're scared, if you leave, you're not going to come back. Like I promised I will come back, but I just I can't do it right now. So I went home and I waited for my husband to get home and we got the kids ready to go to my parents and we went to the hospital that night and I think the fear of Pitocin put me into labor, because by the time I got there I was contracting and I was already four centimeters. I didn't even know it, and that morning I was not, because they checked me to see about the induction and whatever and I was not progressing at all. But by the time we went in there that night I was at four centimeters. So I think the fear of being induced put me into labor and I ended up having her, naturally no epidural. But by that time I was comfortable with my midwives, I knew what I was doing and I was just so glad I did not need Pitocin. I remember almost crying when I got and they said you're four centimeters, thank God. I was so scared.

Speaker 2: 10:37

But hers, hers was very, very easy. I had her at 12 something and we got to the hospital at 10. So I think it was 1248. So hers was really quick also.

Speaker 2: 10:48

But she was born with a rare syndrome. It was called Cousin syndrome. It affects your skull and your face. Your bones fuse together prematurely and so when she was born she looked a little different. So the pediatricians wanted me to go and be seen. So her birth, to be honest, I don't remember a whole lot because by the time she was three months old she had to have major skull surgery. So I just don't remember a lot about her newborn, just her. It's always about her syndrome and that kind of stuff. But after her we were told if we months and then it'll just throw in a weird period and then I get pregnant so we end up having more. So that's how that's how that happened. But yeah, hers was very natural, nice quick. I was supposed to be induced and I went naturally, so that was cool that's really interesting, because a lot of times fear can stop the labor process.

Speaker 1: 11:54

Oh yeah, yeah, no, actually it's happened before.

Speaker 2: 11:59

It happened again with my next pregnancy. Okay.

Speaker 1: 12:02

Yeah, you and fear.

Speaker 2: 12:04

Yeah, I guess I had to go in for a non-stress test and my blood pressure was going up and this was my fourth, and again they said that they were going to induce me. And I tried to not get induced but they put me and hooked me up and I started contracting on my own. So I didn't need Pitocin with him either.

Speaker 1: 12:25

Thank you, baby Jesus. I wonder if maybe your blood pressure just goes up when you're in labor.

Speaker 2: 12:28

That's what I'm. I wonder that Because my last one that happened. I don't know if you want me to skip ahead, but that that's exactly what happened with my last one. My blood pressure was up and but they did do pitocin, but by then I had an epidural. But yeah, it's weird, but with with that fourth one, I want an epidural. I'm like you know what I've. I've done this, I've proved myself. I was scared of the needle and I'm like you know what? I'm not scared anymore, I want an epidural.

Speaker 2: 12:54

So when the contractions started getting pretty painful and I was six centimeters, they were putting the epidural in and the contractions were really bad then and I had told him like something's not right. I can't, I can't do this. And I started leaning to the side and the doctor's yelling at me and I'm like I can't. And so then they yelled at the midwife to come in and the midwife and my husband ran in and my husband said holy F word, because his head was out. Well, I'm off to the side and they're like they're still trying to give me the epidural. I did like just get it out of my back, I need to push. So he was coming out as they were trying to administer the epidural, so I didn't really get one. But no, didn't, oh, not at all. But they, they checked me right before then. I feel like now that I've done it enough. Once my water breaks, I'm going to be pushing within 10 minutes like it's just it's.

Speaker 2: 15:26

It's just how fast it goes, and they should have known that. But now they do, now they know, yeah, so did your water break?

Speaker 1: 15:33

with the first three, no, and then oh no, I mean they they they broke my, they break my water.

Speaker 2: 15:36

I never had your water break. With the first three no, and then oh, okay, no, I mean they broke my, they break my water. I never had my water break, naturally, ever. It's always been at the hospital, a form of induction, or it just breaks while I'm laboring.

Speaker 1: 15:47

Okay, so then was it shortly after your water broke all four times that your baby was born.

Speaker 2: 15:53

Yeah, I don't. That's what I was trying to. I don't remember.

Speaker 1: 15:56

Oh, got it.

Speaker 2: 15:57

Yeah, I was, but with the fourth, it was definitely clear yeah, yeah, yeah, that's, that was the plan.

Speaker 1: 16:12

We'll break your water, then we'll give you the epidural and then see how you progress. They broke my water trying to give you the epidural perfect.

Speaker 2: 16:20

So after that one though, then my fifth one, they they induced me because they were scared of my water breaking and I still wanted to use my midwives, but we had moved, we were an hour away from the hospital but I loved my midwives so I wanted to continue to use them. So when I got to 38 weeks, they decided to induce me because of my water breaking and the chance of higher blood pressure. So his was a setup induction, but I was scared about Pitocin and I said you know, you're still going to get the epidural, but we'll try to not use Pitocin as much as possible. But they ended up having to give me a little bit of pitocin and his was probably the longest the longest induction and and birth. But I I was fine with it. I think it was like six hours total and laboring. But I was completely fine with it because I had the epidural. I actually got one, the.

Speaker 2: 17:12

At first the left side was not working, so they had to come in and and redo it, but it was fantastic. Then she came in a couple hours later. She's like are you ready to push? I'm like I don't think so. She's like no, you are, you've got to get ready to push. We're at 10 centimeters. I'm like, oh my God, that's fantastic. I felt nothing. It was amazing. I was so mad at myself for the other ones because it was amazing, it was fantastic. But yeah, and I had him. They broke my water in about a half hour later. They're like you're ready to push? I don't feel like I'm ready to push. I was actually scared, to be honest, because I didn't have any of the feelings. I had no feelings, but I'm. He was out within a couple minutes.

Speaker 1: 17:50

So that's so. It's so weird to not feel anything yeah, very weird, especially like the first.

Speaker 2: 17:56

Like it was, I thought my body was tearing apart and then to go to the epidural and not feel anything. It was amazing. It was so nice, so amazing so that was five yep, that was.

Speaker 1: 18:07

That was an induction yep, so then the the one before the current that you're about to right.

Speaker 2: 18:13

My last one, yeah, is six yep, and that I went in for an appointment and my blood pressure was slightly high and I was. I wasn't even. I was almost 37 weeks. Then All my others I had, pretty like Ryder, the last one, I had him at 38 weeks, but all the ones before that I was either at my due date or over my due date, but with him I wasn't even 37 weeks yet and they checked my blood pressure, went in for just a normal appointment and my blood pressure was slightly high. It's like we're inducing you, we're not messing around. Then when I had to go, like I just walked from the appointment up to the labor and delivery and I was already contracting. So when you said the blood pressure thing, like maybe that's me being in labor and that's when my blood pressure starts going up, Well, another reason could be that preeclampsia can speed up labor at times.

Speaker 2: 19:03

Oh yeah.

Speaker 1: 19:03

So I don't know if you were ever officially diagnosed.

Speaker 2: 19:06

Just the first one.

Speaker 1: 19:07

Yeah, they have to do labs and all that stuff, but it sounds like they didn't have much time to diagnose you with the others. Yeah, so it could be either. It could be that Maybe it was this. I mean just guessing, because we don't have any like labs or anything, sure.

Speaker 2: 19:21

Sure.

Speaker 1: 19:22

It's possibly that possible that your blood pressure was going up and that was indicating that you were in labor. Yeah, you're in labor. Or maybe the pre-claims you caused the labor.

Speaker 2: 19:30

Right, yeah, very, very could be. Yeah, but yeah, so they still gave me Pitocin because that's the first one, like, I was at zero, pretty much zero centimeters when they checked me and stuff. So they still gave me Pitocin. But I had an epidural. I think that was my longest labor, which was my last one, I think I know my induction was around 11 and we ended up having him. I think it was four in the afternoon, so I think he was my longest.

Speaker 2: 19:58

But again, once they break my my, now they know, once you break my water, you just got to stay there and just wait. It's just gonna be a couple minutes. Just hold your hand out. Yeah, yeah, and that's that's. I was like I can't believe it's taken so long, because usually I'm done by now. And she's like, don't we to break your water? I'm like, yes, please can we get this moving? Yeah, and then he was, he was. So there was another great birthing experience with the epidural and knowing what was going on and the midwives. So yeah, here I am with my seventh Amazing, I haven't stopped yet.

Speaker 1: 20:27

How far along are you right now? 30 weeks, okay. So do they have a plan for an induction and are you close to the same hospital?

Speaker 2: 20:35

Yeah Well, I'm still about an hour away and they said because of my advanced maternal age, which I get that saying, I get that saying. But then I've heard geriatric pregnancy and elderly multigravity or whatever.

Speaker 1: 20:47

I'm like are you serious?

Speaker 2: 20:49

39 years old and you're using geriatric, like that's really been bothering me, but they won't let me go past 39 weeks. But because of my age I'm closely monitored and beginning next week I will start a month or weekly ultrasounds and appointments and uh see how it goes from there. But yeah, right now it's just they're saying 39 weeks, but I bet it'll be before that so if history repeats?

Speaker 1: 21:15

yeah, yeah. So I think a lot of my listeners want to know, like, how they can be ready for birth. When I see patients in the hospital, I see that there's a lot of people that have a lot of fear surrounding the process and either they over prepare to the point where they want to control every aspect of it or they just don't want to think about it and kind of go in without any real knowledge and just kind of hope to wing it.

Speaker 2: 21:44

And I feel like you can be a testament to both ways, maybe causing trauma.

Speaker 2: 21:49

Yeah, with my first, I knew nothing. I had no real support, no info, no, nothing. And then the whole birth was awful. So after that I really dived into message groups or support groups online and that helped immensely and I know the last few pregnancies I've had. I love watching live births or pregnancy vlogs on YouTube. My husband makes fun of me because he's like you've done it enough. Do you really need to watch other people? It's just a way for me to prepare and find out what other people go through, how they deal with it, and I I watch a pregnancy vlog probably every night and a birth blog, just because I like I mean I've done it before. I know I know what to do, but there's so many different scenarios and cases that could happen. It's just mentally preparing for what could happen for you. So I love that kind of preparing and prepping, watching what other people go through and listening to their birth stories and stuff. I'm kind of addicted to birth stories.

Speaker 1: 22:45

I feel like I have a whole podcast on it, so maybe I am too.

Speaker 2: 22:48

but yeah, I know a lot of people that are. Yeah, yep. So watching those and like going through all the different ones I've gone through, I know it's planned for the worst, hope for the best and you can't want it to happen exactly how you want it to happen. You got to be open, but to know what could happen is always makes me feel better. Anyways.

Speaker 1: 23:11

Right, yeah, and being able to pivot and make those decisions, like if you're given an option which one resonates with you and if there's a I think there's a lot of if there's an option that you prefer to avoid, yeah, then when would you be open to going that route right, knowing what your cutoff is? Yeah, because saying I absolutely don't want this ends up removing options from the table that might actually help you get the outcome you want.

Speaker 2: 23:40

Yep, and that was my fifth. With my fifth pregnancy, with Ryder, that's, that's what it was. That was the one that I actually had to be induced for and I was still scared of Pitocin. Even though I had every, I was dead set on getting an epidural. I was still really scared of the Pitocin.

Speaker 2: 23:56

And I'm talking to my midwives and stuff. They said we will do everything we can to not do the Pitocin, but if we get to that point and you're not progressing, it's going to be worse for you to not progress. And then I was like, okay, but as long as they were trying to work with me and not just force the Pitocin on me, it made me feel a lot better. It made me feel like I was in control, because they were like we won't do anything. They even did that with miles. What do I think you don't want us to do? But let's just start out slowly and see what happens. And then I was okay. They always asked is okay If we get up the Pitocin? Yes, yes, we're good. But yeah, being able to be part of that decision-making was was awesome.

Speaker 1: 24:33

Yeah, I love that they put you in the driver's seat, because I just hear so much so that moms have their autonomy taken away and that alone will cause trauma.

Speaker 2: 24:41

Right and knowing. Like with Jayden, I didn't know anything, I knew nothing. So just knowing and preparing, I think it will make a world of difference. Because Jayden's was awful my first one, it was awful, terrible but it taught me to learn and ask questions and find out more, and I'm obsessed with pregnancy vlogs.

Speaker 1: 24:59

So yeah, there's so many options out there now yeah, yeah, it really is.

Speaker 2: 25:03

Yeah, I haven't pregnancy for for 18 years like it's. It's really changed, and how I prepare now has really changed, because I didn't do anything with jayden, even with brody, and we had some message groups, but that was still 16 years ago. Now I feel like you have support and groups everywhere. There's 80,000 of them if you want to be a part of them. So, yeah, it's nice.

Speaker 1: 25:25

Yeah, pick a good one, yeah, yeah. So you kind of already answered this, but this is an interesting question to me. Was there anything about any of your birthing experiences, positive or negative, that has stuck with you that you tend to share with new mothers?

Speaker 2: 25:39

no, I mean the pitosa I, I with jade and that pitosa and I'm like, oh, trying to do everything you can to avoid it. And I always, like everyone always says, oh, it's so, you're so lucky, you go so fast, but that's a lot of pain and a little short amount of time. But that's, that's usually the only thing I say, because I've been pregnant a lot and I get lots of comments and I get mad sometimes at all the comments about how many times I've been pregnant and stuff. So to me, I don't like to talk to people about pregnancies because I don't know if they're offended or how they're at. So I don't really push my pregnancy stories on other people unless they ask.

Speaker 2: 26:09

I keep it to myself, but I'm scared of Pitocin. So that'll be the only thing I can say that if someone says they have to get Pitocin, get the epidural Get the epidural. But that's, about it.

Speaker 1: 26:22

That is true. I think there's a lot of misconception with Pitocin, that a lot of midwives will say that Pitocin is worse than real labor. But there are studies that show that once you have Pitocin your body will kick into natural labor, and so then you have your regular oxytocin, your natural oxytocin, plus the Pitocin you kind of have to back off. So, that's always something that could potentially happen.

Speaker 1: 26:45

Yeah, I feel that's what happened with, like, ritter and Miles Well, even if that doesn't happen, the problem is you're upping it at not necessarily the natural way that your body would progress. It's just like we're going to. 20 minutes later, go up, and then 20 minutes later go up and your body's not necessarily ready for that. Yeah, so it can be kind of jarring.

Speaker 2: 27:07

Yeah, yeah, I think that's what was the first. They just kept upping it, and upping it, and upping it. Yeah, it was awful.

Speaker 1: 27:13

I'm curious because I also like to focus on how to support people in pregnancy and child birth and beyond. What are some of the things that people say to you about your pregnancies?

Speaker 2: 27:23

Oh my gosh, just because we have so many kids, like, don't you know how that happens, or don't you? I always tell everyone there's nothing on TV. Just leave me alone, there's nothing on TV. I mean, a lot of people are happy for us. Don get me wrong. Like we get. We do get a lot of positive feedback and stuff, but you always get negative feedback and it's like what difference does it make how many kids I have, like it doesn't affect you any way, shape or form.

Speaker 2: 27:48

so like telling me I need a different bed or not to sleep with my husband. Like give me a break, how old are you? Oh, my goodness, we get those kind of comments and I mean, no, I might get 20 good comments, but then I'll get two bad comments. It just irritates me. So like with miles, our last one we told nobody.

Speaker 2: 28:04

I told my mom some family, we told nobody and we had him during COVID, so I didn't have to see anybody either. So he was a complete surprise to everybody and it was so nice Like I didn't have to worry about people knowing I'm pregnant and coming up and touching me and asking me questions and like it was. It was really nice with him. This one I wasn't going to tell anybody either, but my mom has recently died and this pregnancy it seems like it's a big sign from my mom that I want to share with people. So I ended up telling everybody after a first trimester and so now I'm like I don't care. It's a cool story between me and my mom, so I am sharing it, but for the most part it's just the negative comments just suck and drives me mad do you think the negative comments are just people joking, or people?

Speaker 2: 28:48

I say I think for the most part people are joking. I don't think a lot of people mean mean anything by it.

Speaker 1: 28:52

I just take it personal so that all I just think it's so interesting how people react to people that are pregnant. I personally, I was pregnant twice and I was done and I'm just like how, how are you doing. Yeah, how are you physically capable?

Speaker 2: 29:11

of doing more than two. I know.

Speaker 1: 29:13

Tell me your secret.

Speaker 2: 29:16

I don't know, that's not my son, my 16-year-. He, he has the most problem with change. He hates, he hates change. She always, every time we tell him that we're pregnant, he gets a little upset about it. And this time it was mom, you're old, you're not gonna be able to do it, you're gonna, you're not going to be able to physically do it. I'll so exhausted. Actually, I just got a notification on my phone that over the past 18 months my steps have dropped drastically. It's because it tracks you and it says the past 18 months you've really slowed down. Yeah, no crap, I'm almost 40. There's a human in here. Yeah, that's so funny.

Speaker 2: 29:52

Yeah, but honestly, a lot of people ask is it? It's hard, it's crazy and it is. But my oldest, my oldest three are 18, 16 and 14. Like they are huge helpers and my nine-year-old is even a good helper and they're it's. It's not as bad as it was to have three under three when Haley was born for like a month. That was was crazy. But now, having seven, it's really not that bad because the older kids help a lot. So it's not, it's not terrible at all.

Speaker 1: 30:22

So you talked about having three under three. What was the recovery like? Like I know, a lot of people talk about postpartum, did you feel like you're well supported?

Speaker 2: 30:32

Yeah, yeah With. With all those I definitely did. I mean my, my husband worked, but we lived so close to my mom, my sister and my grandma and there's even times where I'm like I got this guys. But you know, they come and clean my house and make me food. I want to watch the baby while I slept and, like the, the support was amazing. My recovery with with most of my babies has been very easy. The last one with miles. By that time my grandma was really old and she couldn't help much, but my mom couldn't come around because of COVID. I had him April 13th and we shut down March 17th or whatever, so like we were on total shutdown, but it was good because everybody was home. Like all my kids were home, my husband was home, everybody was home, so but they're. They're not near as good as my mom and grandma, but but they were pros yeah, yeah, but it was, it was good.

Speaker 2: 31:20

This one I am scared about because the kids will still be in school when we have her and my husband. He always takes off while I'm in the hospital. He might take off the day we. He will take off the day we come home. He might take off the day after, but a lot of times he doesn't and my mom and grandma died last year.

Speaker 2: 31:38

So I have, I'll have nobody and there's talk maybe, possibly, about a c-section because she's breached. She's been breached the whole time but I know she has time to time to move, but it's just a conversation. I'm like, oh, my gosh, like say they induce I do a c-section, like monday or tuesday and I'm I'm home during the week and like I don't have that weekend where the kids are home. So I am scared about this one because I don't have my, my mom and grandma anymore and the kids will be in school so and I'll still have miles home. He's three, almost four, so I'll be having a newborn with a four-year-old by myself. So I'm prepping, I'm figuring out freezer meals and all that stuff. I've completely cleaned my house. I already got my kids set up with chore charts for when I'm done, so hopefully it won't be bad, but yeah, that's what I'm scared about, yeah yeah do you have child care at all for your, for your three?

Speaker 2: 32:32

no, nope, that's why I like real estate my job, because I can take him with me. I work around my own schedule. He he was supposed to go to. Our school district offers pre-K counts for three year olds but the state cut the funding this year so he wasn't able to go. So he's home with me. But he's pretty good, he's a good kid. But yeah, no, no childcare, he'll be home with me.

Speaker 1: 32:54

He's a real estate pro now.

Speaker 2: 32:59

Yeah, he hates it. Case my other kid. Yeah, my other kid. I had to take him a lot and he loved it. He was great. He sold houses for me. He loved talking to people. Miles hates it. He doesn't want to talk to anybody. He wants to stay in the car and not do anything. He doesn't like it, but he's. He's fine, but he'll be in school next year. So but we'll see how this one goes with no, with my mom and grandma not here and the kids will be in school. So we'll see. We'll see how it goes.

Speaker 1: 33:20

You said that there was a story behind that with your mom and your pregnancy. Do you care to share?

Speaker 2: 33:26

Yeah, no, I will. I love sharing it. So I, after my mom died, I wasn't planning on having another kid anyways, but I said I would never have another kid. I don't never want to bring another kid in this world that doesn't know my mom. My mom was like my mom was a good mom, but she was an amazing grandma. She was so good to my kids. She's like my kids' third parent. She's amazing. So after she died, I'm like nope, we're done.

Speaker 2: 33:46

And I don't know if this is TMI, but my periods are usually at the beginning of every month and for some reason it's through in another period of the middle of August that it shouldn't have. So I miraculously got pregnant and I denied it for a while, like I knew, I know my body, I've been pregnant before, I knew, but I didn't want to admit it and my son had Lyme disease at that same time. So like, maybe that's what I have, maybe I have Lyme disease, maybe that's why I'm tired and achy and blah, blah, blah. And I ended up telling my husband eventually in a fit of rage, because I was mad about something else and I was just depressed and I was so mad I might be pregnant again without my mom and he finally was like dude, what's wrong? So I've rambled off all these other things that are wrong and at the end I'm like and I think I'm pregnant again. I was so mad, I was depressed for like a month and a half. I did not want to have a baby without my mom at all. Like I want to do it without her and Dustin kept bugging me. You need to go get a test. You need to go get a test. We've got to figure it out.

Speaker 2: 34:41

And a friend of mine was pregnant and she worked for the midwives that I I used to go to and I looked it up and they weren't at the office. It looked like they had closed and I was like I am not doing this without my midwives. If I don't have my midwives, I'm really I, no one's going to know, I will have the baby here. Nobody, I don't want to do this. So I messaged her and she's like yeah, we just moved to the hospital. And she's like why? And I'm like well, I think I might be pregnant, but I'm really upset about it because of my mom. And my mom always said that I'd have seven kids, selling seven, and I was telling her that story and she's like, steph, your mom loved your kids. Like her greatest gift in life was your kids, like her grandkids were it. She's like I think it's a gift from your mom, not like a bad thing about your mom not being able to be here. And I'm like, oh my God, that's true, I'm being a total idiot about it.

Speaker 2: 35:29

And so that day I was supposed to get my cell phone. I ordered a cell phone I know this is so stupid and it was supposed to be delivered and I had to sign for it. And so I'm like maybe I'll go get a test, but I can't get a test because I got to wait for my cell phone. Two seconds later, ups shows up with my cell phone. So get my cell phone, get it set up.

Speaker 2: 35:48

I had a app on my phone called Boxer. I don't know if you're familiar with it. It's like a walkie talkie. You know you talk. Yeah, and I did that with a lot of my friends, my best friend. I messaged her and I told her what this friend of mine had said. And I'm crying like I'm gonna have to go get a test and it's gonna be positive. I don't know what to do without my mom, like I'm blubbering, crying when I'm talking to her.

Speaker 2: 36:10

I get my kid ready, we go to walmart to get a test and I now have my new phone and I opened up that Voxer app and all these messages from two years ago pop up and one of them was from my mom, and so it's all of my messages from my mom. It's me and her talking, laughing. So while I'm walking through the store to get this pregnancy test, I hear my mom talking and laughing with me and joking get the pregnancy test, come home, take it. It was positive. And I I wasn't mad, like I thought I'd be mad, but I think because, like I kind of felt like I had my mom with me, I wasn't mad, I was comforted. Actually, what I want to do is go downstairs and get my phone and screen record those messages. But they were gone. They were, they were gone, they were. They were nowhere to be found. And the last message that she had sent me on that picture or on that app was a picture of a weeping willow tree and she had sent that to me on May 22nd of 2020. And I don't know why she sent it. I saved it, I sent it to my sister. I'm like why would mom send me a picture of this willow tree? She had no idea.

Speaker 2: 37:11

All my other pregnancies, me and my husband have fought tooth and nail on the names of our kids All of them. It's always a dead fight. Haley, my third one. We decided her name while I was pushing and so there's that picture of that willow and I ended up telling Dustin I think I'll be okay with it if it's a girl and I can name her Willow Catherine. My mom's name was Catherine and he's like you know it's funny ever since you found out you're pregnant, he's had the song stuck in his head.

Speaker 2: 37:36

My husband's a musician. He's a great guitar player and singer and it's a. It's a song that's already out there, but he's been singing it and it was called the girl. That can even make a weeping willow smile. So, with her picture and his song, that that was a thing. She sent me that picture on May 22nd 2022.

Speaker 2: 37:52

My due date's May 22nd. I ended up getting a tattoo, after she died, of an angel holding a baby and to me it was like a mom as an angel because it was holding a baby. But now it's like my mom is an angel giving me a baby and I got that before I even knew I was pregnant. So there have just been so many things that I feel like my mom's definitely tied to this one and it's been so emotional. So I mean, pregnancy is emotional anyways, but doing it without my mom, I feel like my mom's here and I know a day of when the baby's born I'm going to be an absolute wreck. But yeah, that's the story behind this one. So it is a girl and her name will be Willow Catherine.

Speaker 1: 38:29

I love that, that is so. I don't love that your mom is not here.

Speaker 2: 38:34

Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 1: 38:34

But I just love that she has sent you this gift.

Speaker 2: 38:36

Yeah, here. Yeah, thank you that she has sent you this gift. Yeah, yep. And now, now that I see it like that, I am super excited. I was really depressed, really upset for a while, but I'm really excited. That's what all my kids are like. This one's your favorite. It doesn't matter what this one does, because it's grandma's, she's already your favorite, yep, yep, she is get used to it yeah, yep, and she's the first girl I've had in 14 years.

Speaker 2: 38:58

Like all, the hayley was my last girl and she's 14 years old now, so this is the first girl in a long time. So I'm I'm pretty excited, wow. But yeah, so that's that story that's amazing.

Speaker 1: 39:09

Yeah, I had one that I was gonna ask before oh okay, so you said that it was pretty easy to push even without the epidural.

Speaker 2: 39:17

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 39:17

Was there anything that you had to do specifically to kind of tap into that muscle?

Speaker 2: 39:22

group? I don't think. So. I was really scared of it with Ryder and Miles the last two because I was so numb I was really scared about it but it just two, three pushes they were out. So I think by that time my body just knows what to like. There was, there was nothing, I had to do nothing, I had to tap into nothing. I had to think of, Like I know from watching pregnancy vlogs and everything, I was like, you know, channel the energy downward, do this and that, and I just I didn't, I didn't have to. I think my body just knows now.

Speaker 1: 39:49

That energy was just coming out of you.

Speaker 2: 39:50

Yeah, yeah, it just knows what to do.

Speaker 1: 39:59

Whether you wanted an epidural or not. Yeah, exactly, yeah, so, yeah then, so then the other. The only other thing that I would ask is if you could go back and talk to yourself before that first. Yeah, let's see. Do you have a message for yourself?

Speaker 2: 40:08

I, I would definitely find out, talk to different obs and midwives and do more research on being inducted and then, like with the swelling that I had, that was so bad and that one, I gained like 90 pounds, like I gained a lot of weight with that first one. So I feel like there were so many signs and symptoms that something wasn't right. But I I just listened to the doctor, like I asked a question and he said no, you're fine, I didn't advocate for myself at all, I just took his word for it. So and I feel like if I would have pushed more, I don't think I would have actually been actually diagnosed with preeclampsia, like they could have done stuff before, but and I mean, I've had six pregnancies since then and I haven't had preeclampsia yet because they induced me before you know. So I would just learn more and not just take doctor's word for it, not saying I'm a doctor, I'm just saying advocate for yourself more Well.

Speaker 1: 40:59

Find a doctor that you can trust and that you can learn with and learn more yourself, so that you know the signs.

Speaker 2: 41:03

Yeah, Yep, yep, that'd be it, but other than that I don't think anything, and obviously I must be okay with pregnancy and birth because I do it enough. So we'll leave it at that.

Speaker 1: 41:17

Did you do anything like with your mind? Do you feel like? I mean, it sounded like you had a lot of support, but do you think that you needed to do anything differently with, like, your mindset or your emotional preparation?

Speaker 2: 41:26

When I'm scared for the induction, I I wish I'd I'd calm myself down more and and know like I'll be okay, like I survived the first one, but it was, it was scary. I wish I could calm myself down more and not be so scared, cause like I mean, I was so scared I was crying on my way home, I was crying to the hospital, especially with Haley, cause that was the first one that they were going to induce me with. But I ended up going natural. But to just calm down, like you'll be okay, you'll be okay, they're not going to let you like anything terrible happen. And it's pain, it's temporary and obviously we do it all the time. Women will still keep getting pregnant and keep doing it. So like maybe that type of mindset. But other than that, I'm very laid back and kind of go with the flow. I want to know everything, so I'm prepared now.

Speaker 1: 42:14

But other than that, just go with the flow, yeah, but was there anything else that you wanted to share that we haven't covered?

Speaker 2: 42:21

I don't think so. Not about like birthing and stuff. I think I hit on everything and I'm glad you let me share that story about my mom. So, yeah, I think I'm good.

Speaker 1: 42:32

Well, I am so happy that you got to share all your stories with me. Was there anything that you got to share all your stories with me? Was there anything?

Speaker 2: 42:41

that you wanted to share about your podcast or your website. Sure, I mean, if you want to check me out, it's a little bit of like my life with six kids is absolutely crazy and trying to do a real estate business and grow that. And then I do try to do some more real estate stuff, but a lot of it lately has just been how crazy my life is and I'm getting ready to have a daughter that's graduating and I'm going to have a newborn and then all the other, like all my kids, are in travel, sports and stuff. So it's just it's chaos all the time. So that's what it's about and I post weekly and yeah, it's where life, real estate, real deal. If anybody wants to check it out, feel free.

Speaker 1: 43:15

Amazing all right well, thank you so much for joining me thank you for having me.

Speaker 2: 43:19

I appreciate it was hard, like going back through all my pregnancies. Oh my god, I can't remember them all. That's what a quick little story with this one. They just sent me a packet at first to go through, like my history and stuff. They ask you, like the time you had your baby, how, how far along you were, like all this stuff I can't remember. That was 18 years ago. I don't remember them all and I'm filling it out and I'm counting them and I thought I had it all done. I only had five kids. I missed one. I missed a kid. Just check your files. I've had everyone, but the first one's been with you guys, just check your files. But yeah, that's that. But I'll leave you with that.

Speaker 1: 43:57

Yeah, you start to lose count.

Speaker 2: 43:59

Yeah, I do. And the time I was texting my son before we came on, because he's really good with numbers Like what time did I have writer? I'm going to figure out how long this pregnant, this labor, was and he was able to tell me the times I had them all I'm like, thanks bro. But yeah that's all. Oh.