Mini Episode: How to Interview a Doula

Birth feels different when the room feels safe. We dig into how to choose a doula by focusing on connection, clarity, and calm rather than running a rigid checklist. Instead of quizzing someone for the “right” answers, we map the questions that actually reveal fit: their vibe during intensity, their range across home and hospital births, and how they help you stay informed without pushing an agenda. If your goal is a steadier nervous system and a smoother decision path, this conversation gives you the language to get there.

We break down what to ask and why it matters: how they describe their style, the types of births they’ve supported, their comfort with inductions and c-sections, and how they collaborate with nurses and providers when decisions move quickly. You’ll hear how to screen for flexibility and respect for your choices, plus the cues that signal a red flag—like fighting the hospital rather than helping you navigate it. We also cover communication plans, on-call timing, when they typically join you in labor, and how they include partners so your support team works as one.

Backups and advocacy round it out. You’ll learn how to ask about backup doulas and why a quick intro can ease last-minute stress. Then we define real advocacy in the hospital: making space for your voice, slowing moments for consent, and protecting your presence without speaking over others. By the end, you’ll know which few questions to ask, what a good answer sounds like, and how to trust the feeling in your body when the fit is right. If you’re planning a hospital birth, exploring unmedicated options, or anywhere in between, this guide helps you choose support that aligns with your values.

If this helped you get clear, follow the show, share it with someone planning their birth, and leave a quick review so others can find it. And if you want my notes from this video, comment “notes” below.

Coaching offer

Kelly Hof: Labor Nurse + Birth Coach
Basically, I'm your birth bestie! With me as your coach, you will tell fear to take a hike!

Chapters

• 1:25 Why Your Doula Choice Matters
• 2:34 Connection Over Checklist
• 2:54 Who They Are And Their Vibe
• 3:06 Experience Across Birth Settings
• 3:31 Working Well In Hospitals
• 4:12 Communication, On-Call, And Timing
• 4:30 Partner Support And Team Dynamics
• 4:43 Backups And Advocacy
• 5:16 Choosing By Feel And Fit

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:57

Hello! Today let's talk about something that can make an enormous difference in how supported we feel during birth. Choosing the right doula. In this video, I'm going to share how to interview doulas so you find the right fit for you. But before we begin, if you want my notes from this video, comment notes below. Now when we talk about interviewing doulas, I don't mean grilling someone with a list of questions or trying to impress them. This isn't a job interview. It's a connection interview. Because when we're in labor, the energy in the room matters. The people beside us matter. And a doula isn't just someone who shows up with techniques. It's someone who helps us feel steady, safe, and truly seen. So today we're walking through the kinds of questions that help us understand whether someone's energy, experience, and philosophy actually align with our birth values. And if you're working with me in prenatal coaching, this is exactly the part where I help you narrow down what you're looking for, what questions matter most for your birth vision, and how to spot the signs of a truly aligned doula. You're looking for someone whose energy feels safe, warm, and aligned with what matters most to you. You're not auditioning for them. They're not auditioning for you. You're just seeing if there's a connection. So here are some questions you might want to ask to help you figure out if this is the right doula for your birth. Not a checklist, not a test, just real talk from one human to another. Start with who they are. What made them want to be a doula? What is their favorite part of being with families during birth? How would they describe their vibe? More hands-on, more calming and observant? Ask about experience. What kind of births have they supported? Home, hospital, medicated, unmedicated? Have they supported clients through inductions or c-sections? And how do they support families when medical needs come up? This is a great way to gently screen for dualists who can stay calm and supportive without pushing an agenda if things get more clinical. You want someone who's flexible and respectful of your choices, not someone who sees every intervention as a problem. If you're planning a hospital birth or might have one, these next questions are gold. Ask if they are comfortable working around hospital equipment if you end up needing an induction. Ask how they typically interact with the hospital staff and what their approach is when there are medical decisions to be made or things start to move quickly. You are not looking for someone who's going to fight the hospital. You're looking for someone who respects the space, works well with the team, and helps you feel steady and informed through the process. You can even say something like, It's really important to me that my doula supports me in navigating the system and not fighting it for me. That kind of clarity can save you a lot of stress later. Ask the doula how they communicate. What kind of support do they offer before labor? Texts, calls, visits? When do they go on call and when do they typically join you in labor? Some doulas like to come early and stay for the long haul. Others wait until labor is more active. There's no right or wrong, just what works for you. Ask about your partner or support person. How do they help involve your partner or the support team? Ask if they guide them or teach them how to support you. A good doula doesn't replace anyone. They enhance your support system. Ask about backups. If they're unavailable when you go into labor, who's the person that steps in? And can you meet the backup doula ahead of time? It's always okay to ask. Life happens and you deserve to know who might be stepping in. And finally, advocacy. How do they help families find their voice when things feel overwhelming? What does advocacy look like to them in the hospital setting? You want a doula who helps you speak up, not one who speaks over others. Someone who honors your choices, your pace, and your presence. Now, you don't have to ask all of these. Just pick a few that feel right for you or important to you and write them down. Most of the time you'll learn the most just from how the conversation flows. Do you feel relaxed, empowered, safe? That's the feeling you're looking for. And if it doesn't click, that's okay. You're not being rude. You're just doing what's best for your birth, and that matters. Okay.