Mini Episode: You Can Fire Your OB or Midwife

Your prenatal care should feel calm, respectful, and evidence-based—yet many of us hit a point where advice from a provider doesn’t match what we’ve learned or what our gut is telling us. That moment is disorienting. We break down why it feels so heavy, how to get grounded fast, and the practical steps to find alignment without burning bridges.

We start by naming the emotional waves that follow a shaken trust: fear that you’re missing something, grief for the relationship you thought you had, and the stress of choices you didn’t expect to make late in pregnancy. From there, we anchor to ACOG standards—the baseline for safe, evidence-based care—and highlight five clear red flags: recommendations that don’t align with guidance, dismissive responses to questions, a tone shift toward rigidity near your due date, inconsistent information inside a group practice, and that loud, unsettled intuition after appointments.

You’ll get simple, powerful scripts to slow things down in the room: ask for the medical reasoning, whether the advice is individualized or a policy, and whether there’s time to think before deciding. We talk through the “middle space” between staying and switching—how to sit with your feelings, confirm the guideline, and plan one focused follow-up conversation that can restore trust or confirm misalignment. If a switch becomes the right move, we share how parents successfully transition even late in pregnancy, how to transfer records smoothly, and how to reframe the change as moving toward the birth experience you want and deserve.

By the end, you’ll trust your intuition as data, know how to compare recommendations to ACOG guidance, and feel confident seeking a second opinion or a new provider when needed. If this helped, subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review telling us which question you’ll bring to your next prenatal visit.

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Kelly Hof: Labor Nurse + Birth Coach
Basically, I'm your birth bestie! With me as your coach, you will tell fear to take a hike!

Chapters

• 1:25 Why Second Opinions Matter
• 2:14 ACOG And Evidence-Based Care
• 2:54 Fear, Grief, And Stress Waves
• 4:35 Five Red Flags To Notice
• 5:29 Questions That Slow Things Down
• 5:50 The Middle Space For Clarity
• 7:22 When Switching Providers Helps
• 8:01 Advocate By Listening To Yourself

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:57

Hey mama! Today we're talking about something really important. And honestly, something most pregnant women don't realize they're allowed to do getting a second opinion or even switching providers when things don't feel aligned anymore. But before we get started, go ahead and comment notes below if you want the notes from this video. I've supported several clients through this exact situation, and every single time, the emotional weight of it is so much heavier than people expect. So I want to walk you through what it actually feels like, why it's so confusing, and how to stay grounded and calm when figuring out your next step. Let's start with something important. When we're pregnant, we deserve a provider who listens to us, respects us, and gives us care that follows the best medical guidelines. In the United States, the organization that creates these guidelines is called ACOG, the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecologists. They set the standard for what safe, evidence-based care should look like during pregnancy and birth. So if our OB provider ever says something that doesn't match what ACOG recommends, it can feel confusing. Many moms tell me that when this happens, it's not just a disagreement. It feels like something breaks inside the relationship, like a rupture in their entire birth experience. For a lot of us, the emotional reaction comes in waves. First come fear and confusion. When the provider suddenly recommends something that doesn't make sense or doesn't match what we've learned from trusted sources, it's easy to wonder if we're missing something. As a nurse, I'd even gaslit myself into doing this before. Our brain starts spinning as we think, why are they saying this? Do I need this? Is something wrong? This fear doesn't make us weak. It means our intuition is telling us something that we need to pay attention to. The second emotion many of us feel is grief. This is the part nobody talks about. When we choose a provider, we imagine them walking with us through one of the biggest moments of our life. So when something feels off, or when we begin to feel unheard or dismissed, there's a very real sense of loss. We start to think, I trusted this person. I thought we were on the same page. Now I'm not sure what to think. That is grief, and it deserves to be acknowledged. The third thing that happens is we start to feel stress about what happens next. Once trust is shaken, we're suddenly faced with decisions we never expected. Do I stay? Do I switch? Is switching even possible this late in pregnancy? What if no one else takes me? This stress is real. It can be heavy and it can feel like there's no right answer. But here's the thing we often forget. These feelings don't mean we're overreacting, and they don't mean we're dramatic, and they don't mean we're being difficult. These feelings are a normal human response to realizing that something in our care no longer feels safe or supportive. Because when something doesn't feel aligned, it's not just about the provider. It's about our whole birth experience, our values, our sense of safety, and our ability to trust our own voice. And we aren't being too much for needing care to feel right in our body, mind, and heart. Let me share the five patterns I see most often with clients who end up seeking a second opinion. One, the provider recommends something that doesn't align with current ACOG guidance. Things like blanket 39-week elective inductions without a medical indication. Two, they dismiss your questions or concerns. You walk out feeling confused, not empowered. Three, their tone shifts as you get closer to your due date. Suddenly, your supportive provider becomes rigid or controlling. 4. You're hearing inconsistent information from different providers in the same practice. This is a huge one that erodes trust quickly. 5. Your intuition is loud. You leave appointments feeling unsettled, even if you can't put the reason into words. If you're experiencing any of these, it's worth pausing and reassessing. When something feels off in an appointment, here's what you can do immediately without confrontation. Say, can you walk me through the medical reasoning behind that recommendation? Ask, is this based on my specific situation or is this standard for your practice? And my favorite, is there time for me to think about this before deciding? These questions slow down the moment and shift you out of panic so you can actually process what you're hearing. Sometimes we hear something from our provider and it just doesn't sit right. And before we run to change practices, there's actually a whole middle space we get to explore first. There are a few situations when we may want to pause and look a little closer. When a recommendation doesn't seem urgent or doesn't line up with what we understand from ACOG. When we feel brushed off, rushed, or like our questions are a bother. When we leave the visit feeling more confused than we walked in. Or when something just feels off in our body, even when we can't explain why yet. None of these automatically mean we need a new provider, but they do mean something inside us is asking for clarity. And this is where we can slow down and check in with ourselves instead of reacting out of fear. Sometimes we need to go home and sit with the feelings, ask ourselves what part felt unsettling, look up ACOG guidelines so we understand the standard of care. Write down the exact questions we want to revisit, or get clear on what matters most to us in our birth plan. And when we do that work, things usually become clearer. From there, we might just realize, I just need one more conversation with my provider. Or I really do want another opinion so I can understand all my options. A good provider won't be threatened by this. They will welcome your questions, clarify the plan, and want you to feel safe and informed. And if you ever need help making sense of your feelings, understanding the guidelines, or putting your questions into words, that's exactly the kind of work we do together in prenatal coaching. This next part is what feels the heaviest emotionally. If you decide to switch providers, here's what I tell my clients. It is possible to switch, even late in pregnancy. It does feel like a breakup sometimes. And yes, it is a lot of logistical work. But here's the reframe: you are not leaving a provider. You are moving toward the birth experience you want and deserve. Some moms stay with their original provider, some switch and feel instant relief. My job is to walk you through both possibilities and help you merge your vision with your reality. Either way, you're not doing this alone. So if you're in your prenatal visit and your trust feels shaken, that doesn't mean you're difficult. It means you're paying attention. And advocating for your birth starts with listening to yourself. If you want my notes from this video, drop the word notes in the comments and I'll send it your way.